Trust Me, I'm Not Sure Either

Trust issues. Just the phrase can make you bristle, can’t it? It’s that uneasy feeling you get when someone says, “Trust me,” and you’re tempted to respond with a snort and a sceptical, “Yeah, sure.” Trust is supposed to be about loyalty, honesty, and reliability, but let’s face it—those are high bars to clear. If you find yourself struggling with trust, you’re not alone. This guide is for anyone who’s found themselves in the weeds of scepticism and doubt, navigating relationships with a wary eye.

Family is where most of us learn our first lessons about trust. It’s supposed to be unconditional, but let’s be honest—families can be a breeding ground for mistrust. Growing up, I was told that swallowing gum would make it stay in my stomach for seven years. Really? Was that to protect me from the dangers of gum, or just to save my parents from dealing with sticky messes? This kind of myth-busting was my first clue that things weren't always as they seemed. And then there were those well-intentioned, but often misleading, pieces of parental advice. “We’ll see” usually meant “no,” and “It’s for your own good” often translated to “We’re not ready to explain the complexities of life.” These small betrayals might seem insignificant, but they laid the groundwork for a deeper scepticism about trust.

By the time I hit my teenage years, the issue of trust only became more complicated. Teenage love is often romanticized as a grand, sweeping experience, but in reality, it’s more like a sitcom that gets cancelled after one season. My first serious relationship ended in heartbreak when my boyfriend cheated on me. That betrayal was a wake-up call that trust wasn’t just a nice idea—it was a fragile, explosive element that could shatter with the slightest misstep. Teenage relationships are often turbulent and filled with drama, but they also provide critical insights into how trust operates in romantic contexts. When someone who claims to love you acts with deceit, it’s hard not to let those experiences taint future relationships.

As I moved from romantic relationships into friendships, I began to see how trust issues weren't confined to romance alone. Friendships are supposed to be a sanctuary from the trials of life, but they can also become a minefield of trust issues. How many times have you had a friend who seemed like a confidant only to vanish when you needed them most? It’s not just romantic relationships that can be fraught with betrayal. Friendships can also test our ability to trust. I grew up analysing people’s behaviours more than is probably healthy, thanks to having a parent in the mental health field. This skill has helped me spot trouble before it hits, but it also means I’m constantly on alert for potential betrayals. It’s exhausting to always be questioning motives, and this wariness often makes forming deeper connections challenging.

Navigating trust issues becomes even more challenging when mental health struggles are thrown into the mix. I’ve experienced bursts of productivity where everything seems clear and achievable, only to be followed by periods of intense procrastination and self-doubt. This cycle of highs and lows can make it hard to maintain trust in myself, but I've come to see it as part of the process of understanding my own limits and resilience. During my low periods, well-meaning people often point out my unhappiness without offering support. It’s as if they’re giving a weather report, highlighting the storm without providing an umbrella. While this has reinforced my scepticism about the reliability of others, it’s also taught me to seek out the right kind of support—people who don’t just observe but actively engage with what I’m going through. When I’ve tried to open up, I’ve faced dismissiveness or discomfort, but each experience teaches me more about the importance of setting boundaries and being selective about where I place my trust. Through it all, I've learned that trust starts with being kind to myself, even when I’m not at my best. It's a constant work in progress, but I'm beginning to understand that it’s not just about trusting others—it’s about trusting myself through the ups and downs.

More recently, I’ve been experimenting with raw honesty, sharing my true feelings instead of putting on a brave face. Spoiler alert: it hasn’t gone as planned. People often don’t want the unvarnished truth; they prefer a more palatable version of reality. When I’ve been upfront about how others’ actions have affected me, the reaction is often one of shock or avoidance. It’s clear that many people would rather keep things light and avoid the discomfort of confronting deeper issues. This pursuit of authenticity can feel isolating. It’s as if being open about one’s struggles is too much for others to handle, leaving me feeling stranded with my emotions while everyone else sails smoothly by. The reality is, facing my own issues often requires confronting uncomfortable truths about others, something many people are unprepared to do.

So, how do we move forward when trust issues seem to dominate our lives? The first step is acknowledging that trust is not an all-or-nothing proposition. It’s a spectrum, and it’s okay to start with small steps. Building trust takes time and requires patience, both with oneself and with others. One approach is to practice setting boundaries and communicating clearly. By articulating what you need from others and being honest about your own limits, you create a framework where trust can gradually build. It’s also important to seek out relationships where trust is nurtured rather than taken for granted. Therapy or counselling can also be a valuable tool in navigating trust issues. Working with a mental health professional can help you unpack past experiences, develop healthier relationship patterns, and build resilience against future betrayals.

Trust issues are not just a quirky personal trait—they’re a significant part of how we navigate our relationships and understand ourselves. Whether dealing with family dynamics, romantic relationships, friendships, or personal mental health, trust is a multifaceted challenge that requires continuous effort and self-awareness. By embracing honesty, setting clear boundaries, and seeking support, we can work towards a more trusting and fulfilling life.

So, if you’re grappling with trust issues, know that you’re not alone. It’s a journey with ups and downs, but every step towards understanding and building trust is a step towards a more authentic and connected life. At least, that’s the story I’m sticking to.